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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23901376">To All the Boys I've Loved Before</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopesbarnes/pseuds/hopesbarnes'>hopesbarnes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:34:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23901376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopesbarnes/pseuds/hopesbarnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(Social Media AU) Since Y/N was little she’s written a love letter to every boy that made her heart race. Like Bucky, her first kiss or Steve they guy she liked far before her sister Peggy started dating him. They’re never meant to be sent. Until they are…</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Twitter Profiles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is a mix of social media pictures and written out words.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Follow my tumblr! (@rogvewitch)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
</p><p>
  <b>Age 12:</b>
</p><p>Dear James,</p><p>I know you go by Bucky now, but I always preferred James more FYI. We kissed today! It was just a peck but it was perfect. I’m so happy you were my first kiss. I really liked it. Even though you play that cool calm bit, that you have to know makes everyone love you. I’ve been trying to think of reasons not to love you but they keep getting overlooked. Here’s my list so far: 1. You watch old movies too much. I know they're ‘classics’, but sometimes I want to watch something else with you. 2. You’re really overconfident. Okay, I know this one’s not really a flaw. I can’t think of any more. Thank you for being my first kiss James ‘Bucky’ Barnes. It was very nice.</p><p>Love, Y/N</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>Age 15:</b>
</p><p>Dear Steve,</p><p>I loved you first. I fell in love with your blonde hair and giving heart. The way you always fight for what’s right made me fall even further. But you’re not mine, and never will be. I may have loved you first but Peggy told you first. She treats you right. I see her kiss your forehead when you write papers and yells at you for getting in a fight. Even if you were protecting a smaller guy. So, I have to let you go. I hate to let you be loved by Peggy and love her in return. But you were mine first, and I think that’s important.</p><p>Love, Y/N</p><p>
  
  
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  “You know this means you’re in charge now,” Peggy says pulling you from the daydream you were having.</p>
<p>    “I’m, what?” You say only half-listening to her.</p>
<p>    “In charge. You have to be a role model for Sharon,” she says standing from her place on your bed. “That means,” she picks up a dirty sweater from the floor and looks at it sighing, “Cleaning your room.”</p>
<p>“I happen to think better in a messy room,” you say “In all-” </p>
<p>“I know, I know, Disorder a secret order,” she finishes for you. “Clean your room Y/N.,” she says and you stick your tongue out at her and collapse on the bed. Some sisters are like best friends, and some are like another parent. Peggy falls into the parent category. You loved her so much, but she always tried to make you better. But in a way, you were better because she was there.</p>
<p>“Steve and I broke up,” she says matter of factly and you pretend like Sharon hadn’t already told you.</p>
<p>“I thought you loved him.”</p>
<p>“I do, but long-distance doesn’t work,” she says matter of factly and you know that’s the end of the conversation. </p>
<p><br/>  </p>
<p>After parking and wishing Sharon a good first day you make your way to your locker. The first day was the worst, there was no sugar coating. Last year you shared a homeroom with Peggy and sat with her and Steve at lunch. But there was no Peggy here, and things with Steve had to be awkward right? Before you can make it to your locker you accidentally bump into Natasha Romanoff. </p>
<p>Once upon a time, she was your best friend. Then the summer before high school happened, and you were strangers. It was still a little fuzzy what happened, but you knew it had to do with Bucky Barnes. Bucky was one of the letters. Steve too. Sometimes when your feelings get so intense, you write them down in a love letter. Never meant to be sent, it’s just for you. Bucky was who you dreamed of once upon a time, and Nat knew that. You even kissed Bucky at a party. Then suddenly Natasha was dating him and too popular for you. Best friends don’t do that to other best friends. </p>
<p> “Watch where you walk Carter,” Natasha says pulling you from your thoughts. “And what’s with the men’s flannel?” </p>
<p> “It happens to complete her outfit. Who wears heels to high school cuz?” Wanda says appearing from nowhere and wrapping her arm around you. She nods towards the pair of wedges Natasha has on. Wanda was the saving grace of your life. She’s technically Natasha’s cousin but prefers to forget that. She’s really the best friend a girl could ask for. </p>
<p> “Hey babe,” you hear Bucky say as he hugs Natasha from behind. “We should probably head to homeroom. Nice seeing you Wanda and Y/N,” he says with a wave and pulls the redhead away with a scowl still on her face. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
</p><p>“Carter! Hold up!,” you hear from behind you as you are walking the mile for gym class and see James, sorry Bucky, Barnes in jean and a t-shirt trying to catch you.  </p><p>“Heard my cousin dumped you,” Wanda says with no filter.</p><p>“Heard you had a tail at birth,” he says only half paying attention. His full attention is on you. </p><p>“Can I speak to Y/N alone?” he asks. Wanda uses this as a good enough reason to go to the nurse’s office and runs away.</p><p>“It was super sweet, but I-uh,” James reaches up and scratches his head. “I’m not interested. I liked our kiss, and well I’m super flattered.” </p><p>It’s then you notice what’s in his hand. A very well decorated envelope that contains his letter. You barely hear him talking about how he and Nat are in a complicated situation before your freakout turns into fainting. Bucky helps you sit up and you are disoriented for a few seconds before getting ahold of your surroundings. It’s then when you spot Steve, holding a letter of his own making his way towards you. </p><p>This was bad.</p><p>Like worse than Bucky getting a letter bad.</p><p>So you do the only thing you can think of to avoid the conversation with Steve. </p><p>Kiss Bucky. </p><p>You take advantage of his position crouched beside you and literally attack him. He surrenders and lets you kiss him. It’s not good, and he’s too stunned to move. But to someone looking, it looks legitimate.</p><p>“Uh thank you?” you awkwardly say to Bucky before running as far away as possible. </p><p>
  
  
</p><p>Tony Stark, the third recipient of a love letter. In 9th grade, you had the biggest crush on him. His lopsided smile got to you. And your crush grew at the freshman homecoming.</p><p>You didn’t want to go, Nat wasn’t your friend anymore, and you felt alone. But Peggy convinced you, and put a flower crown on your head and leant you her favorite bracelet. </p><p>When you got there Tony complimented your crown and you asked him to dance. It was sweet, and he was a pretty good dancer. It made you like him all the much more.</p><p>
  
  
</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
</p>
<p>“Hey, Carter.” You hear from over your shoulder and turn to see Bucky Barnes. Leaning on the counter staring at you. You blink and focus really hard on your soda hoping it makes him disappear.</p>
<p>It does not. </p>
<p>He orders a shake and doesn’t seem taken aback by your bugged-out expressions.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here,” you ask.</p>
<p>“Obviously ordering a shake,” he says sarcastically and you give him a look. “No, I went to your house and your sister pointed me here,” he says more sincere this time. </p>
<p>“I think I need to be clear. I just broke up with Nat, and it’s really a compliment but-” he says before you cut him off.</p>
<p>“Are you trying to reject me?” you ask.</p>
<p>“It didn’t really take the first time, so yeah,” he says.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to date you, James,” you clarify.</p>
<p>“Bucky, and it didn’t seem that way before.”</p>
<p>“I just had to look like I liked you, so someone else didn’t think I like them,” you try to clear up but it makes him look way more intrigued. </p>
<p>“Who?” he asks with a smirk.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Well, now I gotta know who the guy- or girl. I don’t judge,” he says with his hands up surrendering. </p>
<p>“Oh no. No, no. I’m not telling you.”</p>
<p>“I could tell everyone about a love letter you sent,” he teases.</p>
<p>“Fine! It’s uhm. Steve Rogers,” you admit in a low voice.</p>
<p>“Wait, the guy dating your sister?” he asks blinking at you.</p>
<p>“Well dated. But yeah. He got a letter too, and this is not good. Right? You can see how this is not good?” you ask and go back to staring at your soda. This was not a conversation you wanted to have, especially with him.</p>
<p>“Hold up! I’m not the only one to get a letter? I’m a little hurt Carter,” he says laughing. </p>
<p>“Five people got letters,” you admit really quietly.</p>
<p>“God damn Carter! Who else?”</p>
<p>“Do we really have to do this?” you ask.</p>
<p>“Yes. Spill!”</p>
<p>“You, Steve, Tony Stark-” </p>
<p>“He’s gay,” </p>
<p>“Well, now I know that. Someone from camp, and someone from model UN,” you admit and go back to the almost gone soda.</p>
<p>
  
  
</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We could turn around!” you say trying to get out of the party you were on the way to.</p><p>“It’s in the contract,” Bucky sings to you and you try to protest but he just drowns you out with the song of the music he’s playing. </p><p>Before you enter the house you try and secure your hair back with your scrunchie. Your lucky scrunchie (because if there’s ever a time you need a lucky scrunchie it’s for when you’re going to a house party with your fake boyfriend). But Bucky pulls the scrunchie from your hair and secures it on his wrist instead.</p><p>“Your hair looks nice down,” he says and you blush slightly at the compliment. He takes a picture of you before grabbing your phone to take a selfie.</p><p>“This should be your homescreen,” he declares.</p><p>“What about your screen?” you ask and he shows you the picture he just took of you.</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>Bucky leaves you to grab a drink for the both of you before you hear Natasha and her friends call you over. </p><p>“What’s up with you and Barnes,” Natasha’s friend Yelena asks.</p><p>“Like she’ll say. Don’t you know Y/N is ‘shy’,” Natasha answers for you. </p><p>“What do you want to know?” you ask trying to appear strong and not let Natasha’s comments get to you.</p><p>“Oh come on girl all of it! How far have you guys gone?” Yelena asks and you get flustered.</p><p>“They haven’t done anything.” Natasha declares.</p><p>“How would you know?” you ask.</p><p>“I know Bucky, and I know you,” she says and gets up leaving you sitting there embarrassed. </p><p>“Oh,” she says turning around. “I could grab you a juice box if you want,” she says with a fake saccharin smile.</p><p>“Oh thank you, but Bucky is grabbing me something,” you say just as Bucky shouts a ‘Hey babe!’</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>Bucky hears a call across the party and lets you know he’s headed over there. You decide to wander around a bit and be a wallflower when you run into Tony.</p><p>“You do parties?” you ask and he smiles widely.</p><p>“I am parties. You’d know that if you got out more. Guess the Bucky letter worked huh?” he says nodding over to where Bucky is. You smile and look down shyly. Tony smiles knowingly but moves the conversation along.</p><p>A little while later Bucky comes back and asks if you want to grab some food and you agree. Your scrunchie isn’t on his wrist anymore, but you don’t seem to notice that. </p><p>
  
  
</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As you get ready for bed you can’t help but not feel great. The party went better than expected, and you had a good time. But after your last text with Bucky that you left on read you knew you screwed up. Pulling out your phone, you look at the picture he posted of you on instagram. You leave a cute comment, but it feels empty. Until he replies back with a simple kiss emoji. Then you stuff down the voice that says everything is wrong and go off to sleep.</p><p>After the party things got easier. The two of you got into a rhythm that worked. He picked you up, you held hands in the halls, and he whispered jokes in your ear in class. At lunch, you sat with his friends and even liked them. His best friend Sam made you feel included, and not just a girlfriend. It was different to have a group, but you actually loved it. Of course, the times when you caught Steve’s eyes in the halls or cafeteria? Those times you still wanted to disappear.</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>On a Thursday, Steve had enough though and rang your doorbell. Which led you here. On your front porch, with your sister’s ex boyfriend.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’re with Barnes,” he says and throws an arm back to emphasize the absurdity of the statement.</p><p>“Wait, why?” you ask, crossing your arms. Closing off. “I didn’t know liking me was so unbelievable?”</p><p>“What? Y/N no. What’s unbelievable is that you would be with a douche of a guy like him.”</p><p>“What is that supposed to mean?” you ask back.</p><p>“You’re Y/N. Innocent, sweet.”</p><p>“Wow. Way to make me sound boring. I’m not that innocent you know,” you say trying to sound strong. “Great Talk Steve!” you head towards your door.</p><p>“Wait! Y/N, look. Did you- Did you mean what you wrote in your letter?” he says with confusion in his eyes.</p><p>“I- I don’t know. It was a long time ago,” you shrug lying to him and yourself.</p><p>“This is brand new for me! I’m trying to understand.”</p><p>“Look, you shouldn’t have even seen it. It was a mistake and I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I did!,” he says raising his voice, “I did see it. What now?”</p><p>“Don’t tell Peggy,” you plead.</p><p>“She’s not even talking to me! Pegs dumps me, you’re dating Barnes and we can’t even be friend!” Steve’s hair is a mess from how much he’s tugging on it now, and he keeps stepping back and forth. Like standing still will hurt him.</p><p>“I don’t know how to be friends anymore. Not after everything,” you turn around and he tries to continue the conversation. But you can’t and don’t.</p><p>
  
</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the two of you continued to fake date, your families got curious. Sharon hung out with the two of you, and started to like Bucky a lot. And it worried you that she would get attached. Bucky’s mom wanted to meet you so against your better judgment you went to dinner at his house. </p><p>Dinner at his house meant his mom and his sister Rebecca, who was Sharon’s age. It was a bit awkward at times, like when his mom asked about yours (and you had to explain that she died). But overall it was good. You even suggested after that Rebecca and Sharon could be friends. Rebecca was shy and didn’t talk much and Sharon never knew when to shut her mouth. They would get along amazingly.</p><p>“Do you miss your dad,” you asked while cleaning plates with him.</p><p>“Sometimes. But I look around and see that he’s not here because he’s with a new family and that makes me so mad. So I try not to miss him,” he says.</p><p>“Bucky, you can be mad at someone and still miss them,” you say and he nods looking away.</p><p>“Do you miss your mom?” he asks and you shake your head.</p><p>“Yeah, everyday. It’s been a while though. I at times forget it hasn’t always been dad and my sisters. It makes me feel horrible. Like how could I forget about her?” you say and put the plate you’re holding down.</p><p>“It makes sense to me. I’m not really mad at my dad. I mean, I am but I don’t hate him.”</p><p>“It’s really nice to have someone to talk to. You’re a really good listener Bucky,” you say and he smiles.</p><p>“I should list that on my fake boyfriend resume!”</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>While under the bleachers with Wanda above you, you hear the voices of Nat and Bucky. </p><p>“We should move, this is private,” you say and Wanda looks at you funny.</p><p>“That’s your boyfriend!” she says.</p><p>“What am I supposed to do wait around for you?” you hear Bucky say.</p><p>“Is she coming on the ski trip? That’s our thing,” you hear Nat say.</p><p>“Does it even matter Nat. You have a boyfriend.”</p><p>“Maybe I won’t then.”</p><p>Wanda gives you a sympathetic look. And all you can do is try and look unbothered. </p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day your head is just completely crowded. I mean what do you even do when you have a situation like this. Get mad that your fake boyfriend who’s only dating you to make his ex jealous talks to his ex again? That’s absurd right? As you walk down the hall you stop to talk to the first person you can find. Who just so happens to be Steve.</p><p>“I know you just don’t want to hear this. But I need to talk to someone,” you say after pulling him aside and explaining what’s going on. “The closer we get the more it’s going to hurt when they get back together. I should have seen this coming right?”</p><p>“What do you want me to say Y/N? It sucks. Sorry.” Steve says partially reserved. You can tell he has more to say but your friendship is so fractured he won’t.</p><p>“Carter!” Bucky yells down the hall. He looks pissed. You say goodbye to Steve and walk over to your ‘boyfriend’. </p><p>“What the hell will people think when they see my girlfriend all cozied up with Rogers?” he says not even bothering to say hi.</p><p>“What will people say when they hear you begging to get back with Nat on the bleachers?” you counter back in a snarky tone.</p><p>James pulls back with a shocked look and lets out a dark chuckle. </p><p>“Are you spying on me. So I was talking to Nat? You barely even post about us!” he says changing the topic.</p><p>“I don’t want my sisters to see!” you shout back. </p><p>“Sharon won’t care!”</p><p>“I’m talking about Peggy,” you say. “Look, I don’t think we thought this would go on this long. Steve and I are okay now, Natasha wants to get back together. I think we should end this.”</p><p>James looks away shocked. “I can’t believe this. The ski trip is coming up, what about that?”</p><p>“That was only if we were still together.”</p><p>“We still are!” he says louder than he intended. “You’re just scared.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“You tell me Carter.”</p><p>You don’t say it, but you know you need to breakup because you’re starting to have real feelings about a fake relationship. </p><p>“If Wanda goes I’ll go.” you say knowing she won’t.</p><p>
  
  
  
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the day of the ski trip and your dad was driving you to the bus now. You weren’t that nervous but the expectations of the trip loomed in the background of your mind. But they were for real couples. Which you weren’t. It loomed even closer after your dad tried to have the sex talk and hand you condoms. </p><p>“Don’t forget to have fun!” he says as if he didn’t just try and talk about ‘pulling out’.</p><p>“Yeah well, I have enough rubbers for that thank you very much.” </p><p>When you get on the bus Bucky is all alone, but you move past him. You didn’t know if you could handle that long that close. So you move to sit with Wanda who’s passed out.</p><p>“Hey, where are you going?” he asks</p><p>“I’m gonna just sit with Wanda.”</p><p>“She was at some concert last night. She’ll sleep the whole way,” he says and motions to his seat.</p><p>“I should sit with her still. Wouldn’t want her to drool on someone else,” you say and quickly move to sit with her. Bucky looks upset but sits anyway.</p><p>Nat gets on the bus and being pissed at you Bucky lets her sit with him. She shoots you a saccharine smile and makes a big deal of sitting down. Bitch. </p><p>
  
  
</p><p></p><div class="text post mutualchecker-done">
  <p></p>
  <div class="entry-content inner">
    <p>When you get in the lodge Sam (Bucky’s best friend) who was senior class president was holding room assignments.</p>
    <p>“So I’m supposed to make you’ll stay in your assigned rooms. But fuck that! Have at it sluts” he says and tosses the cards in the air. Great. </p>
    <p>“See you on the slope Bucky?” Natasha yells from the second floor and everyone hears her. Wanda’s encouraging you to stand up against her. But you’re not going to ski, and you’ve given up on keeping her away.</p>
    <p>As you’re pulling your books out you brought to show Wanda she calls Tony over to convince you. But he laughs and agrees that it’s too cold and too much work to ski anyway. He sides with you and agrees to share a room with you after you promise to do face masks.  </p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 14</h2></a>
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    <p>After settling in and going around the resort with Wanda she ditches you for some unknown reason and you return to your room. Tony is there and collapsed on the bed exasperated.</p><p>“I thought you were supposed to be Mr. party?” you ask taking off your coat.</p><p>“I am, but I want to relax right now. I don’t like the cold.” </p><p>“Then why are you on a ski trip?” you laugh and point out and he shrugs.</p><p>“You’re not out there either Miss Y/N Carter,” he points out and you shrug back. Tony may be a gossip and in everyone’s business but he is trustworthy when it matters. Should you just tell him? “Shouldn’t you be with Mr. perfect?” </p><p>“It’s fake!” you exclaim and hide your face and sit down on the bed. </p><p>“I think we should change into pajamas do those masks now and talk talk about this,” he says and you nod and silently pull out what you need and change in the bathroom. </p><p>After both of you change and you explain the story he looks at you from his bed dumbfounded.</p><p>“It was all fake?” he asks</p><p>“Yup. The whole thing,” you answer. “Please don’t tell anyone. I just don’t know what to do now.”</p><p>“Maybe this is all a lie. But I don’t think the way he feels is a lie.” Tony says. </p><p>“No he doesn’t!” you say and Tony gives you a look.</p><p>“That man looks at you like a puzzle he has yet to solve. A cute one though that he is more than happy to spend all day putting together.”</p><p>You laugh at Tony’s comment. “But he’s still obsessed with Nat. And I mean look at me! I’m just another girl obsessed with Barnes. How pathetic!”</p><p>“Every guy is obsessed with his first Y/N. Let’s break it down though. Bucky was the one who first wanted this relationship. You’re the one that said no kissing and is trying to break up with him. And you’re the one in a romantic ski lodge with a gay man while there’s a man probably waiting for you in a hot tub.”</p><p>“You think he’s waiting for me in the hot tub?” you ask and Tony nods and gives you a pointed look.</p><p>
  
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 15</h2></a>
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    <p>When you get back to the room Tony is there waiting with a knowing smirk. </p><p>“So… Are you going to tell me about it,” he says and you giggle like a child.</p><p>“I went down there and he was where you said he was. He told me that he wanted to sit with me on the bus and even went across town to get a snack I like.”</p><p>“A keeper,” Tony says.</p><p>“He was kinda mad at me but said I was dense. Which I guess I am if I’m this oblivious to everything.”</p><p>“Then?” he says pushing you to tell the good parts he knows there are since you look bashful as hell.</p><p>“Then I was brave and went in the tub in my nightgown. And walked over to him and he reached under my thighs so I was straddling him,” you say and smile hugely. “Then we kissed.”</p><p>“Damn Carter! Look at you getting it on with Barnes in a hot tub,” he says.</p><p>“We only made out Tony!” </p><p>
  
  
  
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 16</h2></a>
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</p><p>“Peggy please let me in,” you say knocking on her door frantically. </p><p>“I’m busy,” she replies.</p><p>“I need your help,” you plead and she opens the door for you to come in. You show her the video and go into a very long story of everything and she takes a moment to process it. </p><p>“You’re covered here and it doesn’t show your face. I think you’re okay,” she says in the matter of fact way she goes about everything. </p><p>“I’m so stupid! I let this happen god!” you exclaim and fall against her bed. </p><p>“Oh Y/N it’s not that bad,” she says and pulls you up rubbing your back.</p><p>“I know you’re only being nice because I made a sex tape accidentally.”</p><p>“You didn’t make a sex tape and I’m just confused. You didn’t tell me anything!” </p><p>“I thought you’d hate me. And for the record, I never wanted to date Steve and I’m not in love with him,” you admit playing with the sleeve of your sweater. </p><p>“I don’t hate you! I miss you! We don’t talk anymore. I know you wouldn’t do that to mee too I just don’t know where you are at anymore in that head of yours,”</p><p>“I couldn’t talk to you because I can’t lie to you. And I was lying to everyone in my life.”</p><p>You start laughing hysterically, “Pegs! Look what happened! You left me and I made a sex tape without having sex! I am a mess without you.” She starts giggling and the two of you hug. It feels good to be back on the same page as Peggy and get everything out in the open. </p><p>You start laughing hysterically, “Pegs! Look what happened! You left me and I made a sex tape without having sex! I am a mess without you.” She starts giggling and the two of you hug. It feels good to be back on the same page as Peggy and get everything out in the open. </p><p>You spy Sharon in the doorway and Peggy motions for her to join your group hug. The Carter girls are all back together again.</p><p>“No more secrets okay?” Peggy says and Sharon looks away.</p><p>“Uhm…” she says and you both look at her, “I sent the letters.” </p><p>You pause and take a breath before very calmly telling her you are going to kill her. Peggy holds you back as Sharon hides in the corner.</p><p>“You were lonely! I thought maybe one would turn into a boyfriend!”</p><p>Sharon manages to run out of the room and Peggy keeps you from going after her.</p><p>“She may have been off on her logic. But look where it got you. As crazy as everything is isn’t it good? I bet you can’t say that there isn’t a small part of you who wanted those letters to be sent.”</p><p>“I- well,” you stutter.</p><p>“If I can forgive you for writing my boyfriend a love letter can you forgive Sharon for mailing them out?”</p><p>“I guess,” you say and Sharon lets out a loud sigh from outside the door.</p><p>
  
  
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 17</h2></a>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 18</h2></a>
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    <p>You sit down at the diner you’ve been to multiple times with Bucky. At the table, your dad flips through the small tabletop jukebox before playing “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”. </p>
<p>“Bet you didn’t know I came here all the time when I started dating you mom,” your dad says, giving you a small smile.</p>
<p>“I didn’t,” you say, giving him a confused look. </p>
<p>“She loved this song. Would play it over and over again,” he says thinking back. “She’d dance here too and I’d get embarrassed but I loved it.” You look around the diner trying to picture your mom, a teenager, with her bright eyes and big smile twirling about around the room. Your dad digs around in his wallet before grabbing a polaroid. </p>
<p>“I should have been dancing with her. Here,” he says handing over a picture. In it the diner looks the same, just newer. The wallpaper isn’t torn and the jukebox shines. Your moms in a bright colored dress and her hands reach above her head. She looks happy.</p>
<p>“I should have told you more about her. Just talking about her makes me sad though,” he admits and you nod your head.</p>
<p>“It’s okay dad,” you say comforting him but he shakes his head.</p>
<p>“It’s not. I relied on you and Peggy too much. Expected you to hold this family together and I shouldn’t have. You’re a teenager, you shouldn’t be an adult yet,” you smile, “I really liked seeing you with James, you were young for once-” he says but you cut him off.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk about that,” you tell him.</p>
<p>“I don’t know a James then,” he says and you laugh. “Look I don’t know what happened but you opened up with him. It reminded me of your mom. Don’t hide that part of yourself.”</p>
<p>You wipe a tear from your eye and sigh. “I really miss her,” you say and he takes your hand.</p>
<p>“I know honey.”</p>
<p>After a few seconds you get an idea, “Can I borrow a quarter?” He chuckles and tosses one over to you. You replay the song and spend another house sipping on soda and talking to your dad.</p>
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    <p>After seeing the post you rush over to your locker. Wanda rips it down fast, and you turn to run away from the crowd surrounding the picture. However, you can’t get away when you run right into Bucky.</p>
    <p>“Just gonna let everyone believe we fucked?” you say with tears spilling out. “Bet you’re happy the video leaked huh?” you accuse and then turn and rush away. Wanda shoves the torn down picture in his hands.</p>
    <p>“You gonna do something about this Barnes?” she says with malice then goes to chase after you. </p>
    <p>“Hey, Listen up!” Bucky’s voice roars down the hall, “Not that I owe it to any of you. But nothing happened that night. I will gladly kick anyone’s ass if they mention Y/N or that video. You hear me?” he says before running after you. </p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 19</h2></a>
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    <p>“Y/N, hold up,” Bucky says and turns around to face you. “I’m really sorry. And if I knew who did-” he says but you cut him off.</p><p>“Oh I know who did this and you do too,” you say giving him a look. He looks down ashamed.</p><p>“I’ll talk to her,” he offers.</p><p>But you shake your head. “No, this is my fight, Barnes.”</p><p>
  
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    <p>“I’m just going to get right to it. I know you posted that video,” you tell her.</p>
    <p>“Uh, nope!” she says popping the p in the word. “But I mean if you’re going to have public sex then you have to deal with the consequences,” she says with a fake smile.</p>
    <p>“A guy doing this is one thing. But a girl doing this to another girl?!” you yell at her.</p>
    <p>“Said I didn’t do it,” she says passively. But then turns around and comes back, “I’m glad it got posted though.”</p>
    <p>“What?!” you say louder than intended.</p>
    <p>“Look, Bucky isn’t as confident as he pretends to be, and I’m not as tough. And you? Well, you’re not as innocent as you pretend to be. An innocent girl doesn’t kiss someone her friend likes!” </p>
    <p>“Natasha you were broken up!” you say and she shakes her head.</p>
    <p>“No, not now. Before we dated.” You blink for a second.</p>
    <p>“Do you mean middle school?”</p>
    <p>“You knew I liked him! And you still kissed him!” she shouts. You shake your head confused.</p>
    <p>“It was spin the bottle and tongueless you psycho!”</p>
    <p>“It wasn’t tongueless to me!” she says storming off. You stand there shocked. Your entire life you spent looking for drama in any book you could find. So convinced that you lived an invisible life and it would never happen to you. But I guess you weren’t as invisible as you thought you were.</p>
    <p>After school, you find yourself in your living room with Steve. You had invited him over to clear things up.</p>
    <p>“Peggy left?” he asks and you nod.</p>
    <p>“Yeah she went back this weekend,” you say nodding. “Look, I just want to explain things,” you say while fidgeting with your hands. </p>
    <p>“It’s like driving right? I know the rules and how to do it. Just when I am actually about to drive it goes very badly.” Steve gives you a weird look so you shake your head. “Nevermind uhm okay. You were the first boy I liked. Like actually really liked,” you say and give him a small smile. His face in turn goes straight and his eyes widen.</p>
    <p>“I wrote those other letters out of this fantasy I built up in my head. But yours I wrote after really knowing you. But I really didn’t know I felt that way until you were Peggy’s boyfriend. But then as time went on it faded and I was left without my best friend.” </p>
    <p>“You could have told me that. I’d like to think I would understand,” Steve says shrugging his shoulders.</p>
    <p>“I didn’t really know until Bucky,” you admit.</p>
    <p>“Right. Bucky,” he says mimicking the way you said his name. </p>
    <p>“It was real in a way different from you. I’m really sorry Steve.” You loved the idea of Steve more than you think you ever really loved him. You loved that someone knew you that well and would want to be around you. But it’s clear now you were meant to be friends.</p>
    <p>“It’s okay. I get it. Really. I felt that way with Peggy.”</p>
    <p>“Did you stop loving her. I mean like after she broke up with you?” you ask him. It was so sudden, and you knew he didn’t see the breakup coming. Nobody did, not even Peggy.</p>
    <p>“Not at first. But as time went on I understood why she ended things.” </p>
    <p>“I know you don’t like Bucky-”</p>
    <p>“I don’t but I like how he stood up for you,” he says cutting you off. You nod. He should have done it sooner you think but he did stick up for you nonetheless.</p>
    <p>“It’s over though,” you shrug and Steve gives you a weird look.</p>
    <p>“Why does it have to be though?”</p>
    <p>“If it wasn’t real then I didn’t lose anyone,” you admit. </p>
    <p>“Y/N, you have to tell people what you feel when you feel it. You can’t spend your days writing love letters in your room that you don’t even plan to mail. Without them being mailed out you wouldn’t even have him in your life.” </p>
    <p>Sharon comes into the room at this point and hands you a small hatbox. </p>
    <p>“I- uh have something for you,” she says. You open it and inside are all the small letters Bucky had wrote to you. You thought you threw them away but it seems your nosy sister took them. You smile and look at them. You hadn’t even read them, just tossed them aside thinking he hadn’t put energy into them.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 20</h2></a>
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    <p>You take a deep breath. Cars aren’t that scary right? Just a box on four wheels. You meticulously adjust the steering wheel and mirror, making sure your seat was at the right height. You can do this, you say to yourself as you turn the key. With a click of your seatbelt, you start driving. You drive towards the school and surprisingly make it in one piece. Your parking job was atrocious but there were more important things to worry about than that right now.</p>
    <p>With a piece of paper in your hand, you walk across the Lacrosse field with purpose, only slowing down once you catch sight of the dark-haired boy.</p>
    <p>“Hey,” he shouts and you shout a nervous ‘hi’ back to him. He’s in his lacrosse practice outfit and stops adjusting the net to walk closer to you.</p>
    <p>“I have to tell you something!” you say then add in, “I drove here.”</p>
    <p>“That’s amazing. Congrats,” he says.</p>
    <p>“Thanks,” you say anxiously. “Uhm okay bye,” you say turning around to leave.</p>
    <p>“Woah Woah, what are you holding,” he says nodding his head at the paper you are gripping tighter than anything you have before. You turn back towards him.</p>
    <p>“N-nothing,” you say trying to hide it behind your back. But he smirks and grabs at it.</p>
    <p>“Oh, nothing?” he mocks finally grabbing it. He looks at it and his playful smile leaves his face.</p>
    <p>“If you want me to read that you have to give it to me.”</p>
    <p>“Okay. Uhm. Can you turn around?” you ask biting your lip nervously. He lets out a laugh but does. </p>
    <p>You open up the paper and sigh. </p>
    <p>“Dear Bucky, You should know that-,” you say pausing. It’s weird to read to his back. So you tap on his shoulder for him to turn around. You put the letter down and just talk instead. “I like you James Buchanan Barnes, and not in a fake way. That’s what I came to say.” You look him in the eyes for a few seconds then turn to leave again.</p>
    <p>“Wait, can I say something?” he says and you nod. “I went to Nat’s room in the ski lodge to tell her I was done. I couldn’t string her along when-” he takes a breath, “I’m in love with you Y/N Carter. Just you.” </p>
    <p>A smile breaks out on your face, “You are what?” Bucky leans in and you pull back. </p>
    <p>“How do we do this?” you ask innocently. He gives you a puzzled look, so you continue, “What goes into a contract for a not fake relationship?”</p>
    <p>“Nothing,” he says chuckling. “Trust. Don’t break my heart Carter,” he says and leans in to kiss you. It’s cliche but time stops. All that there is in that moment is Bucky Barnes and him kissing you. And what a good feeling that is too. </p>
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